A FAMILY'S JOURNEY: Correcting the Wrongs

FIRST LETTER TO THE FAMILY

Introduction:

The Lord has allowed us glimpses into different religions during our growing. He moved my wife and I from one country to another, used numerous messages- from a range of pastors, church leaders, churches, denominations, cultures, nationalities and experiences- to show us who YAHWEH truly is.

We found many treasures as we journeyed together in life. The Lord has always been good to us, especially in our most difficult and challenging moments and through it all, we have come to value the great treasures we had found:

1. The Bible- it is priceless as this is where we learn everything we need to know about God and ourselves.
2. Our Lives- the greatest testimony we can give is exemplified in our personal lives. 

CORRECTING THE WRONGS

During this trying time (Covid-19), different families have approached me with myriads of issues, but there is one that stands way above the others. This is the realization that the relationship with our spouse may not be as strong as we thought. Some related to me that they quarrel almost every day, attack each other with ugly and strong words, yell, feel frustrated, angry, upset and sometimes even despise the presence of the other. This is now happening in many households.

Men, are you still pondering this question- “I thought spending time with my wife should be wonderful because she often says that I spend too much time at work, at church and in my ministry with the people”. Ladies, have you not often wished your husband could spend more time at home with you? Well, your prayers have been answered now. But then what happened to the joy, the smiles, the laughter and the wonderful feeling of being together? 

Dear Family,

Do not wish this situation (or any other God-created situations) away because God does not move without a purpose or plan. We must understand this and accept this as a “blessing” in disguise. Until we can see the blessings and accept them as part of His divine plan, our complaints will never end. 

Through Covid-19, He has shown us our areas of strength and weakness. He has revealed to us that we have not given due importance to our relationship with our spouse. We see this because it only takes less than a month of being together to see fissures developing in our relationship as if it was experiencing a 9.5 earthquake on the Richter Scale. 

Point 1: SEE FROM GOD’S PERSPECTIVE.

Understand and accept all difficult and challenging situations in my life as part of God’s divine plan. These times are in reality, “Training Time”, for it is when the training is almost difficult that bets soldiers are created. Once we understand this, we can use it to grow our faith, use our strengths to help others and eradicate our weaknesses. Use these times well. They are God-given. 

Point 2: EVALUATE THE STRENGTH OF MY FAMILY.

The foundation of our relationship (be it marital, parental or sibling-related) has surfaced, revealing its strengths and weaknesses. It is time we re-align ours on establishing a family relationship grounded in God’s teachings. Husbands, love your wives as explained in I Corinthians 13:3-8 and Ephesians 5: 18-33. Wives, submit and respect your husbands as listed on the same passages in Ephesians 5. You would have noticed that the key towards each other, is summed up in one word. For the husband it is “LOVE” and for the wives it is “SUBMIT”. As you purpose to do this one important thing for each other, exercise the qualities of grace, humility, patience and forgiveness with it. 

Point 3: GET THE FULL PICTURE

Men: See the big picture- your wives have been taking care of almost everything in the home during your years of ministry. Now you are spending most of your time at home and below are probably what you have been doing over the past weeks:

1. Telling her what to cook, where to keep things, how to manage her time and correcting her.
2. Asking her to get things for you because you do not know where they are kept.
3. Relaxing at home after a day’s work because that is what you did in the past- watching TV, playing with the children and chatting on the phone.
4. Instructing her to clean this and that, questioning why clothes are still not washed and meals are late. 

Can I suggest you try doing these things instead:

1. Offer to help around the house- wash the dishes, tidy the bed, sweep the floor, clean the windows, teach the children, organize the drawers and areas in the house or even do some gardening.

2. Allow her to be the manager of the home (even though you are the head of the house) because she has been doing great job taking charge over the many years. You can give suggestions (but not too many) but allow her the freedom to choose to act on your suggestions.

3. Women see the home as their place of work while men see it as a place for them to relax after a hard day’s work. The situation now is a little different. You are spending almost 12-16 hours at home everyday together. 

Men, we have to understand that it can be hard for a busy wife to hear her husband telling her what to do for the 12-16 hours he is home while you are relaxing most of the time in the house. Take over some of her work or help lessen some of her workload. You can also try to tell her once in a while that you appreciate what she is doing for you and the children. Thank her and even do something to show your gratefulness.

4. Do not keep focusing on her mistakes and correcting her. Extend a hand to correct the situation yourself. Most importantly, learn to see all the wonderful and great things she has done for you and the family.

Summary:

Husband- demonstrate your love by helping your wife and acknowledging the great things she is doing for you. Christ showed us that a truly great leader (head of the house) is actually one who serves others. Follow the example of Christ.

Wife- talk to your husband respectfully and be patient with him. Learn to forgive like Christ. When man put him on the cross, He said, “Father forgive them (the people) foe they know not what they are doing

HELPING EACH OTHER: Share with a few families (audio or video call) on:

1. What are some of the things we can do to help our husbands/ wives
2. How can we encourage our spouse and children with our words and attitude towards them?

 
Let us journey together, helping, holding and praying for on another so that we can be a greater testimony for the Lord.

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Humbly in Christ,
Pastor Thomas and Ma'am Pamela Teh